All the election result articles that should have gone up today

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It’s been a long time, but the recent presidential (and other!) election compels me. I went to school for journalism way back in *werhiowereorwer* what? Can you hear me? OK, cool* and back then we learned that journalists don’t share their political leanings. Although I’ve moved into the women’s lifestyle space, it’s a bad habit to break, so I don’t publicly talk about politics. Think about it – even when you think you know how I might feel about a thing, go back to our last conversation. Did I actually say anything? Probably not. It’s a gift. I don’t even notice it anymore.

Anyway, I’m going against my own principles this year. The campaign season was a *word that means s**t show without actually saying the word* – and I think EVERYone agrees with that. So I came up with 13 posts we should have seen go up  today. Because based on my Facebook feed, this is what ya’ll are talking about.

  1. 12 easy-to-make appetizers to serve your guests as you awkwardly avoid asking who they voted for
  2. How to lose the 20 lbs you put on this election season
  3. Who you’re going to pretend you voted for based on your Zodiac sign
  4. Your dog isn’t sick, she’s just depressed about the election results
  5. The easiest way to pretend you voted for the winning candidate
  6. The easiest way to pretend to console your friends who didn’t vote for the winning candidate
  7.  You’ll never believe the one thing you need to do to get Jesus now that the election is over and you’re finally asking about him!
  8. 23 easy steps to finding the best argument to post on Facebook about why America made the worst choice (it’s easier than you think!)
  9. The only two things you ever need to say on Facebook about why America made the best choice!
  10. The best Snapchat accounts to follow for incoherent political ramblings
  11. Sure you voted, here’s a breakdown of everything you actually voted for
  12. Your state also had elections last night, here are the results!
  13. Here are all the states that now allow recreational Marijuana use (and how much it costs to move there!)

What did I miss? What would you add?

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